Liars & Love.

 I never was ticklish. But I played along so that I could hear your laugh and feel you squeeze my side and smile like you were ready to kiss me. 

Rewind.

"I absolutely adore you."

That's what I hear when I think you've forgotten about me.

It's hard to know if you're still real  because I crave you, yet I'm never satisfied. I look at old messages hoping you will text me again. I drive your car wishing I was shotgun. I hate driving.

I miss your deep voice when you got tired. I miss feeling chills run down all the way to my tippie toes as you kissed my neck.

I miss your eyes and how you loved mine.

I miss your kisses and feeling infinite.

"I can't say goodbye with you looking at me..."

I miss your fingers fitting perfectly into the spaces between mine.

"I will see you in two and half years, okay?"

"Okay, I love you."

"I love you."

Reflection.

What you call imperfections are nothing more than an excuse to limit yourself. 

"See you soon..."

To say I miss you; is an understatement. 

Flutter.

Even from 1,446.0 miles away, you still give me butterflies. 

Push Over.

You asked me, "how do you handle that?" & I looked at you hoping you were kidding. 

She is my best friend, that's how. 

You told me you loved me after two weeks... but wait, that's  only when you aren't watching football right? 

You don't know what love is, and don't try to convince me to "love" you. I know what love is... at least that is what I have told myself. 

Love is feeling completely numb when they leave you. It's that moment when you fall to your knees asking God to "please just help me". 

Love is letters. 

& if you thought love didn't have doubts and is perfect, you're wrong. Because when you have love, everything you doubted and everything you thought you hated about that person, becomes every reason you fell in love with them. 

But everything I hated about you; stayed. 

Don't tell me what love is. 

I'm not a push over. 

Knelt With Blistered Hands.

I stand here and look at all of you.
You who judge me, criticize me, and act like you know me.
I stand here with blistered hands that are sore from catching all that falls upon me.

With blistered hands I kneel down to pray every night to ask why I have to feel this pain, why I need these trials.

With blistered hands I still reach and grasp onto things and people I should let go of.

My hands are always open reaching for what I need most..
My hands and body ache for me to release.
My body whispers "Relax...don't give in, and just let go."
At the end of each prayer I thank God for letting me still survive and thrive!
I stand here not afraid of what you think of me anymore.

My feet are tired, my hands are bleeding, and my body aches.
So don't think standing here is easy; standing here is the hardest thing I've ever done.

But here I stand holding my hands out and my held head high because I'm not scares anymore and I'm ready to let go.