Full Circle.

Even after I met you, I told everyone that we were "just friends."

Even after you asked me to be your girlfriend for the first time, I broke up with you six days later.


But being you; you waited for me to come around. You waited for me like I'm waiting for you now.

 High school ended and you would leave in June. I don't remember that summer at all really. I remember everything up to that Monday when it would be the last time I would kiss you, hug you, & feel my fingers stroke through your curly hair while you looked at me and whispered "I love you" in the rain.
I remember that.. I remember that like it was yesterday.

If I could write you a letter this week, I wouldn't know where to begin.

Every moment I think about you, my soul grows deeper in love with you.

I think about how ticklish you were and how much you loved to play with my hair. Or how you always picked me up when we hugged and I would wrap my legs around your waist & kiss your nose.
I think about how you took a part of me with you when you had to leave and how I won't get it back until your home again.


I think about anything;
and it reminds me of you.

*Insert Name Here*

I never thought the words "I love you" would become such an understatement. They seem to leave out something or forget a memory;
because I don't just love you for the present; but I love you for your past & what we could become in the future.

I adore you.

I crave you.

I want nothing more than you.


But, for lack of a better word, I love you.

Passport to nowhere.

   & so began our journey.

From that moment I knew life would be a good kind of different;

  It would be filled with adventure, mistakes, and a love that would last for eternities.

We would only speak when necessary 

And you would take me away when it was time,

Time to just escape it all again. 

We wouldn't need to worry about anything but us and the comfort of each others skin,

The world would be at our finger tips &

We would dance under the stars.

Time wouldn't exist because we would only base our days on the rising and lowering of the sun.

Let's get away darling and see the world.
Just you & me. 

"I am the Light of the World..."

He knows me & He knows you.

He already went through it all so He could succor to our every moment of weakness and trial. 

Suffering in pure agony He did His Father's will, He could have said no more, but instead, He didn't.

Christ never leaves us; we may step away, but there is never a moment when His hand is not stretched out. 

The moments of loneliness are only us forgetting who is always there. 

Forget not to whom you belong to.

We are heirs to a Kingdom of Glory & never ending happiness. 

This pain will go away.
This heartache will pass if we but give it to Him.
Give everything to Him and He will take it away to give you pure joy.
Let Him awake your soul.
Let Him refine, refresh, & bring to your remembrance the great plan He has for YOU.

Let our faith carry us to be better. To never doubt what we know is true.
He is our shepherd and He knows His sheep.

Never forget. 

Dear Elder.

Lately I've been thinking about you; but that's not new.
I've been thinking about how as soon as you left I could write poetry again. There was no point to writing when you were here because I couldn't even put my thoughts into words without sounding like a rambling mess. My dreams had finally turned into reality. My plans turned into Our plans.

Now here I am, reminiscing. Hoping you know that I love you. There hasn't been a single day or moment you don't cross my mind. I decided to wear your hoodie you gave me today. I haven't been strong enough to put it on since now. But knowing life is changing and moving at a rate that I can't keep up with, I needed you close. I needed to feel the sense that you were wrapped around me holding me so I could hear your heart beat while slowly kissing my forehead and squeezing me tighter.

I just miss you. I know you're coming back, but today, going through all of this, it made me realize I need you and want you more than I have ever wanted someone before.

You cause me to tremble and make my knees goes weak. It's sounds cliche', but  I love that.
I thought about how stubborn I was with you and how patient you were with me.

That moment when I thought it was time for me to walk away, but realized I couldn't. We talked for hours, and sealed our promises with a kiss.  I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I miss my Elder. I miss my best friend who conveniently is the person I have fallen completely and absolutely in love with.

It wasn't fate that brought you to me, it was divine intervention.

& I will see you soon My Love.

Let's Grow Old Together.

I can't help but picture that day when I can hold you close to me again & kiss you whenever I want.

I see couples everywhere and I can't help but stare and wonder if they know how lucky they are.
You can't see him for 2 weeks? Try 2 years. Try knowing that you can only talk to them on Christmas if you're one of the lucky ones. Try knowing that everything could change and you could never see it coming because the mail ran slow that week.

I re-read every single letter you wrote me a few days ago. I never knew "I love you" could turn into the biggest understatement I've ever written. You have become someone that I never want to see leave my life again. I want our second first date to be the last first date we have. I could spend the rest of my Friday nights snuggled on the coach next to you while playing Scrabble just because I know you love that game.

I saw your family the other day and I watched your parents as they laughed and looked at each other with something that reminded me of us. I watched as your dad softly woke your mom from the coach and brought her a glass of water. I saw you in him.

You're that once in a lifetime type of guy.
You're that person I could wake up to every morning and never get tired of rolling over to see that smile. Not never.

Lend me your Ear.

So I listened... 

You told me about your fears and how you hate dirty dishes. 

I smiled, wanting to kiss you. 

& then it was as if God whispered to me, "This is him." And then I  realized I could stay in this conversation for the rest of my life. I realized everything about me makes sense with you. 

I believe.

Turn to God and everything changes; including you. 

Liars & Love.

 I never was ticklish. But I played along so that I could hear your laugh and feel you squeeze my side and smile like you were ready to kiss me. 

Rewind.

"I absolutely adore you."

That's what I hear when I think you've forgotten about me.

It's hard to know if you're still real  because I crave you, yet I'm never satisfied. I look at old messages hoping you will text me again. I drive your car wishing I was shotgun. I hate driving.

I miss your deep voice when you got tired. I miss feeling chills run down all the way to my tippie toes as you kissed my neck.

I miss your eyes and how you loved mine.

I miss your kisses and feeling infinite.

"I can't say goodbye with you looking at me..."

I miss your fingers fitting perfectly into the spaces between mine.

"I will see you in two and half years, okay?"

"Okay, I love you."

"I love you."

Reflection.

What you call imperfections are nothing more than an excuse to limit yourself. 

"See you soon..."

To say I miss you; is an understatement. 

Flutter.

Even from 1,446.0 miles away, you still give me butterflies. 

Push Over.

You asked me, "how do you handle that?" & I looked at you hoping you were kidding. 

She is my best friend, that's how. 

You told me you loved me after two weeks... but wait, that's  only when you aren't watching football right? 

You don't know what love is, and don't try to convince me to "love" you. I know what love is... at least that is what I have told myself. 

Love is feeling completely numb when they leave you. It's that moment when you fall to your knees asking God to "please just help me". 

Love is letters. 

& if you thought love didn't have doubts and is perfect, you're wrong. Because when you have love, everything you doubted and everything you thought you hated about that person, becomes every reason you fell in love with them. 

But everything I hated about you; stayed. 

Don't tell me what love is. 

I'm not a push over. 

Knelt With Blistered Hands.

I stand here and look at all of you.
You who judge me, criticize me, and act like you know me.
I stand here with blistered hands that are sore from catching all that falls upon me.

With blistered hands I kneel down to pray every night to ask why I have to feel this pain, why I need these trials.

With blistered hands I still reach and grasp onto things and people I should let go of.

My hands are always open reaching for what I need most..
My hands and body ache for me to release.
My body whispers "Relax...don't give in, and just let go."
At the end of each prayer I thank God for letting me still survive and thrive!
I stand here not afraid of what you think of me anymore.

My feet are tired, my hands are bleeding, and my body aches.
So don't think standing here is easy; standing here is the hardest thing I've ever done.

But here I stand holding my hands out and my held head high because I'm not scares anymore and I'm ready to let go.

Then & Now.

I have been inspired. I have become a writer in Paris.

 

 

 

 

Paris. Paris. Paris.

When I first arrived to Paris I wasn't sure where to go.
There were so many different streets and the signs were in a different language. How did one ever get around here for a daily life?

As time continued, every Morning became more and more beautiful with each new sunrise.
The language was still foreign and not many knew what I was trying to say.
I tried to write down what I felt, but no one wanted to listen right then. They were busy.

I watched a women at a Cafe' a few days ago and she intrigued me. She was cloaked with beauty; Not beauty from the face or clothes, but from what she was doing. With her little black pen and navy blue journal she simply wrote and wrote. I once watched her for 2 hours. She glanced up every few minutes and then would write. I was fascinated by this and wanted to know what she was writing about. How was she receiving her inspiration? God? Herself?

After about the seventh day I decided to walk over and sit by her I asked if she was enjoying Paris but nothing come out of her. She simply glanced at me with a smile and started writing again... The man next to me leaned over,
" She's busy."
"Busy? She's only writing... can't she stop writing and answer me?"
The man smiled. I think he knew I had never been here before.
"Paris is where you taste it. Where you drink it up till the last drop is gone. Paris is not a one time event; but rather a lifetime of travel. You cannot visit Paris once and expect anything, you have to continue until there is no more resistance. Until you are the only one here and everyone becomes your inspiration. She's busy."

The story of the women changed my visit from that day forward. Each day held new possibilities and new reasons to be inspired. I knew what streets to turn on and which ones I still needed to explore. The signs no longer confused me. I started to understand their language; their purpose of life.

My little black pen and navy blue journal became my purpose. 

Thank you Paris. Thank you for everything. 

Dripping.

I 
stand
alone
wet
and
tired.
 

Jealousy.

The Coming of Light 

By Mark Strand 

Even this late it happens:
the coming of love, the coming of light. 
You wake and the candles are lit as if by themselves, 
stars gather, dreams pour into your pillows, 
sending up warm bouquets of air.
Even this late the bones of the body shine 
and tomorrow's dust flares into breath.

I found this poem searching the internet and it caught my attention. 

I love how he jumps right into the poem and grabs your attention like 

he was already in the middle of a story. 

"Dreams pour into your pillows" is one of my favorite lines. 

It makes me picture that it's almost as if it's rain falling onto

the pillow.  Everything about this poem works perfectly; & it's SHORT. 

I love amazing short poems so much. 

I love how instead of bouquets of flowers he says "warm bouquets of air." 

It brings a whole new outlook of what a bouquet could be, 

and that it has a temperature. 

It's simply brilliant & leaves me filled with envy & jealousy.  

With Love.

"We loved with a love

that was more than love."

 

 

 

 

 

~Edgar Allen Poe